======

I grew up in Moldova, a small country in Eastern Europe situated at the intersection of two cultures: conservative and traditionalist Russian, and mildly-Westernized Romanian. To many people’s surprise, I speak Romanian, I watched Disney growing up, and, like many American teenagers, I was a big fan of The Wizards of Waverly Place, Phineas and Ferb and the Suite Life of Zack and Cody. Still, I was equally drawn to the intense and stoic nature of the Russian people, often indulging into Soviet war-themed movies, chanson and “blatnaya pesnya” (the Russian equivalent of the Western gangster rap), or even cold plunges, fishing, mud baths, and delicious pickled fish.

As much as my lifestyle was influenced equally by the West and the East, so was my gender identity. The way gender inequality manifests itself in the East and West is very different. Note: the notion of the West and the East can be different for many people. In this context, the “East” will refer to Eastern Europe - where I grew up and studied - and “The West” - to Western Europe and the US, where I lived as an adult, traveled, went to college, and started a career.

The East

It is widely accepted that the East is more patriarchal overall; that it fosters a less friendly environment for women’s career growth. Although some of the general data on overall gender equality performance is in support of that view, other sources suggest the opposite. According to data from Our World in Data in 2021, the gender inequality index was 0.20 in Moldova and Russia, 0.18 in the USA and 0.08 in France. The index is calculated based on metrics of reproductive health, empowerment and economic status. Moldova ranks just below the US in terms of overall gender equality, however, when looking at the specific metrics used to calculate the general index, it is no longer as evident. For example, Moldova has a 5.76% gender pay gap compared to a 17.65% gap in the USA. In Moldova and all Eastern European countries (except for Poland), abortions are legal, whereas in many US states abortion is banned; Moldova has a woman president, but the US has never had one. Clearly, there are many other statistics to look at, but my intention is not to advocate for one side or the other. Instead, I would argue that even the levels of gender inequality are similar in Moldova and the US, the way it is manifested and collectivelly addressed, is strikingly different. I would like to address precisely the nature of those differences, by sharing my experience in both geographic bases and explain how these differences are reflected in my personal stories. The claims I will be making are based on my social and professional journey as a young woman in science both in the East and the West. Call it empirical or anecdotal evidence, that will not undermine its evidentiary importance.

In my early years in Moldova, I was an aspiring young scientist, competing in national and international competitions in Chemistry, Physics, and Biology. I have represented my country at the International Junior Science Olympiad in 2014 and at the International Chemistry Olympiad in 2016. From 2010 to 2016, I have been part of Moldova’s olympic team, have worked with university faculty and research scientists and have conducted research in cardiology at academic and clinical institutions in the country. Over the course of these years, I have grown to see the gender dynamics in various contexts, ranging from local scientific communities around people of my age, to high profile academic institutions, and, most recently, corporate technology. Throughout these interactions, I have witnessed a wide range of reactions and sentiments towards the women’s involvement in science, from admiration and adulation to tokenism and open sabotage of their success.

However, what has been a major thread in my experience throughout, was the constant feeling of never being or doing ENOUGH. No matter how accomplished I or my female colleagues were, how many medals we would bring home, how we would persistently rise above competitors, there was always a “yes, but”. YES, you are incredibly smart, YES you are the only Moldovan student to have been admitted to Harvard that year, YES, you are the first qualified student at the National Selection, BUT, it is your male competitor who I will invite to extra preparatory sessions for the upcoming olympiad. It is your male competitor that I will send to participate in that media interview. It is your male competitor that I will call in front of the board. I have confronted teachers, professors, peers, over these matters many times and I never got a clear reasoning to the existence of “but”. One time, I went to my physics teacher to ask for an explanation as to why she did not put my name on the list of candidates for the physics olympiad, having prepared an entire year for it. She gave me a vague “I did not think you were interested” response. Furthermore, because I was so dedicated to studying and was a social introvert, with a lack of interest in pursuing romantic relationships with men, I was often asked whether I was a lesbian. My friend, Nicoleta, a silver medalist at the International Physics Olympiad and a girl with the same “profile” as me, was constantly shamed by our physics teacher relating to her love life and looks.

The upfront insults, unapologetic rejections, or rather the overt lack of equitable appreciation generate anger and frustration, and, more importantly, combat. Since misogyny in the East is pervasive, it is easier to acknowledge it, hence justifies an offensive response to it. Subjected to overt adversity, The Eastern European woman toughens. She is led into offense by a society that is so openly hostile and unfair to her. She can rightfully respond aggressively, without being silenced, vilanized, or undermined for “overreacting”. And, even if she is, she can argue for why it is perfectly justified. Although fighting back misogynistic forces can be draining, it is easier to battle direct rather than indirect misogyny. Taking a combative attitude towards misogyny is ironically a luxury that women in the WEST rarely possess - something that I realized a while after moving to the US.

The West

In the West, sexism manifests itself differently. The discrimination is subtle, but at scale. You might not be told that your place is in the kitchen by a random dude, but you might be politely denied a well deserved promotion that was granted to your male colleague. You might not hear commentary on your body parts as you walk on the street, but your male colleagues will probably not invite you to join them for a beer (aka bonding), because you are not one of the ‘bros’. In other words, discrimination happens in grey areas of decision making and in biased allocation of resources. We all know that, in a capitalist society, connections are crucial to career advancement. Since most of the high positions of power are occupied by men, the only way to access them as a woman is to become part of their group and play by the rules of the system. But, how are you going to blame them for not including you in their circle? Simply by acknowledging that you want to join their circle, you immediately lose traction, and take an inferiority stance. The way people choose to build social and professional ties is rarely subject to criticism and it is widely regarded as being completely up to personal discretion. Simply put, sharing resources with someone is ommisive, optional, an individualistic choice, thus, can hardly be questioned, whereas depriving someone of resources is commisive, hence easier to blame.

That explains, partly, why my initial few months in the US felt liberating and empowering. It felt like society finally treated me and valued my opinions equally. Then, I realized that the feeling of equality was delusive, that the inequality lies below surface level. In the West, putting up a good image is a prerequisite to climbing up the social ladder or to merely being accepted in social circles, so people would rather swallow their misogynistic thoughts than risk harming their reputation. The freedom of speech movement is so loud, yet so futile in its goal of liberating society. Political correctness and cancel cultures, when condemning hate or discriminatory speech, do nothing to people’s real views. The same views, if not expressed through direct speech, can be expressed through indirect actions. If there is anything the US has said loud and clear to me, it is that actions do speak louder than words.

And, I have experienced that in many ways throughout college. A particular memory dates back to when I took a course on computer systems, called Computer Science 161. Known as one of the hardest courses in the deparment, the only way to survive it was to collaborate with teammates on excruciating 30-40 hours problem sets. As I was one of the two women enrolled in the course, I could not find a problem set partner. So, I spend most of my time solving the problem sets on my own. When I got stuck, I sought collaboration on the course’s private discord channel to unblock myself. I have posted a few times on the channel, but my questions were simply ignored. So, I decided to run an experiment: I changed my name handle to something random that would not betray my gender. I, then, posted again under my new handle. This time, I got a response within minutes. I screenshotted the chat in discord and saved it as a reminder of one of those “sweet” times in college.

I don’t consider referring to my experience in dealing with misogyny to be the same as adopting a sign of weakness. If anything, I am an avid proponent of women taking proactive stances in the fight against inequality and actively fighting for what they deserve. For example, I am against affirmative action and quotas and I am a supporter of pushing women’s ambition and hard work as primary means to achieving equality. (I will talk about this in subsequent blogs). The reason why I keep speaking about and reflecting on my incessant battles with misogyny over the years, is because it helps me alleviate my frustration and is a good reminder that my stance is real. When discrimation is so subtle, we tend to forget the premise of the fight, so these memories remind me of the real demons that I need to fight in order to succeed.

To be continued